Living life as a fabulous mom, Wonderful wife, and most of the time dedicated employee.Leaves little time to worry about grammar, and spelling!!! I'm Pretty awful at it, sorry ahead of time. I'm just saying!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Dear Landon,


I can't tell you how excited it makes me, that God knew just want I needed when he created you . He knew what kind of personality you needed, and your mannerism. He knew just what would fit perfectly with your dad and I.  I love that h has already planned the path that we are going to travel with you, he knows the exciting times and the trials that will come our way! I'm so thankful for you!

 For a long time I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a mom. I was scared and I was selfish! I was scared that we wouldn’t be financially able to take care of a baby. I was selfish because I didn’t want to share your daddy with anyone else.I wanted it to be just your dad and I forever! Your dad on the other hand longed for a family, he loved children, he couldn't wait to have a family of his own. We talked about it often, but being scared to death I never let it go more then just  casual talk.

I will never forget November and December 2008. I was at work, I had been having some issues with my body that weren’t normal, things that had been going on for a little over 2 months. A co-worker suggested that I may be pregnant!!!??? WHAT NO WAY!!!?? I didn’t feel pregnant. just shrugged it off for a few more weeks. Then came more abnormalities. The same co- worker said Heather go take a test your pregnant. So I did, and I was. Oh My Gosh the emotions that went over me, the happiness and the fullness of my heart was unexplainable. I'm going to be a mom, Oh My Gosh I'm going to be a mom!!!  I was soooooo excited to tell your dad, I couldn’t wait to tell the whole world that I was going to be a mom!!! I wrapped the little pregnancy test  up in a box, and gave it to your dad when he got home form work! His face and his expressions were priceless. I had to explain to him what he was looking at. Jon your going to be a dad!!!! We are going to be parents!  (December 2nd 2008)

The next few days were probably the roughest days of my life. I started  having really painful cramps. I thought ,Ok this probably isn't normal.  I called the Dr. to set up my first OB apt and to make sure the cramping was normal. They assured me that I was going to be fine and my first apt would be Jan 15th. That seemed so far away. Because of my job  I was able to check my hcg level . The first test was great and I was right on track for how far along I thought I was. whooooooooo what a relief!!!! Landon I have never been so worried in my entire life. The next day the cramping had gotten worse and bleeding had started. I refused , absolutely refused to believe that any thing was wrong, there was NO away I was having a miscarriage. Again because I could, I drew my blood . Ill  never forget the look my on co-workers face when she told me that my hcg had dropped. My heart stopped and I ached all over. Telling your dad that we were losing the baby was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I tried my best to remain positive to keep a happy face. I talked myself into believing that it really wasn't happening, I needed everyone to be ok with it so I could believe  that it was ok myself.

The pain of losing the baby ate away at me little by little, It wasn't until about a week later that it really hit me, I had lost a baby.How in the world could I love  something sooo much and only  knew that it existed for a few days.   What could I have done differently,how could I have avoided this, will I ever have the chance to be pregnant again? I questioned myself to death. I was scared, I was sad. I soon learned that having a miscarriage was not at all uncommon. That some of my friends had already experienced this, I learned that I was not alone. Landon we had so many people praying for us, and reaching out to us. After a few weeks I finally came to peace that God had other plans for that baby, and he had other plans for your dad and I. He was preparing our hearts for what was next. I love you my sweet baby boy!

I love you Infinity!!


  1. Great post- isn't it funny how being a mom changes everything! New follower- www.classifiedmom.com

  2. This was so beautiful, Heather! And you're SO right - God is amazing! I can't imagine the pain in losing a baby, but I'm glad you had your faith and the trust that God had a plan for you. Babies are the greatest gift ever!

    Thanks for sharing your letters and your life with us :) LOVE!

  3. Beautiful letter - and yes, He was preparing you! :)

    ..I couldn't find your contact info on the site... I wanted to email you...I wanted to let you know you were selected as 1 of 3 featured bloggers for the Tailspin Monthly Hop. The new linky and post go live tomorrow morning. Feel free to grab the featured badge from the post or let me know if you want me to email it.

    Thanks and happy hoppin'!


    Darcy & Brian's "Tales From the Nursery"

  4. This really is beautiful! Even made me a little teary eyed.. What a little sweet heart :) Us mommas are so blessed aren't we? I am following you from my hop- Bee Friendly Friday. Thanks for joining!! Have a fabulous weekend :)

    PS: I LOVE your idea of a Favorite things post. I may have to do something similar ;)

  5. Beautiful letter, Heather. I am so sorry you had to go through the pain of a miscarriage:-(

  6. Happy Blog Hop Friday! I am your newest follower.

  7. Aw! :-) Hey, new follower from Friday Blog Hop.

    And if you're interested, every Sunday I host a blog hop for Christian ladies called Seeking Virtue Sunday where you link up devotional/Christian posts. To learn more, go to the Blog Hops tab at the top of my website. http://www.MeasuringFlower.com

    Thanks. Have a good night!

  8. Heather darling these are the most touching letters... I think i've teared up twice now. You're so brave and so strong and I love ya so so so much! <3 Obvs I voted again today (duhh! yay!) and I just wanted to tell you that you 100% ROCK! love ya girl!


  9. What beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry for your loss. I have been so lucky to have had 8 healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. I knew that miscarriages happened - just not to me. Then last year, we were expecting again. And I was so excited! Then at 11 weeks, I began to bleed and I lost that little one. I was devastated. That was in June. Then I went on to get pregnant again January of this year. I was a little more guarded with my excitement this time around, wondering if this baby would make it, afraid to get too attached, etc. I lost that little one just 3 weeks ago, again at the 10/11 week mark. I know that God had other plans for those babies...but it still hurts. I want ALL of my children with me here on earth. I'm selfish that way, LOL. I know I'll see those little ones when I get to Heaven, though. That makes me feel a little better.

    I'm a new follower of your blog. I saw your link on the Tailspin Hop :)

  10. how sweet loved reading it thanks for sharing I am your new follower you can find me at http://shopannies.blogspot.com

  11. What a lovely letter you will both cherish...always.

    Nice meeting you at the blog hop.


  12. Aww Heather I'm so sorry you had to go through that but this is a beautiful letter and the absolute right baby for your family does come, as you have seen!


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